Of course not, that would be sensible and logical. My agonising back-breaking laborious trawls of the hideous iTunes Shop usually centre on a random word (say, “collapse”) and then hours and hours of misery-filled wasted effort trying to fight the grotesquely inept search and turn up a playable game. It’s surely a deliberate attempt to make the universally hated computer iTunes look better, because trying to casually find a game on the iThing version is a murderous catastrophe.

(In fact, I was planning a throwaway series of items by someone purporting to be the hideous iTunes Shop designer each proudly describing an element of the dismaying monstrosity, but got stuck trying to think of a host worse than Hitler, who’s already in a forthcoming article about something else.)

I cannot slightly conceive why even one person in the entire world would consider the hideous iTunes Shop acceptable in any context, except that everything else is even more terrible, which is a possibility that puts the willies right up me.

It’s much better now, and the funky soundtrack adds a lot of fun to the game. I can’t decide whether the textures, which look like something from the mid-1990s, are a help or a hindrance. On the one hand, they’re butt-ugly. On the other, I really liked Dark Forces, Doom, and Descent!

In keeping with the “runner” title, this game could be improved by adding a parkour-like running-man challenge to the options, instead of a smooth-flying hovercraft, or roller-skater, whichever you’re supposed to be in the current version. Something like Mirror’s Edge (the 3D version), with lots of Duke Nukem-style, nausea-inducing head-bob animation, please.

Thanks for the game!