Review
Gunstar Zeroes
by Craig Grannell (11 hours, 6 minutes ago)
Game: Gunstar Heroes. Publisher: Sega. Price: £1.79/€2,39/$2.99. Buy the game
Hmmm.
... From playing this game!
Argh.
... If you have any sense!
ARGH!
Tough, fast games are SO much better when your thumbs hide enemies and, sometimes, your character!
ARRGGHHH!
See?!
ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
Kids: Say NO to drugs—and Gunstar Heroes on iOS.
Judge this
That end over-lapping text still looks wrong. You need a different font for it or something.
Hrn. I think it’s 37% less funny when all the text isn’t smushed together, but what does everyone else think? (POSSIBLE LIVE UPDATE! IT’S LIKE BEING ON TELEVISION WITH NOEL EDMONDS!)
Then set it to letterbox mode. I’m so sick of your stupid shit.
And, gosh, it still sucks. WHO’D HAVE THOUGHT IT?
omg 3D thumbs!
Red and GREEN is the new 3D? Maybe is Red Hulk thumb and Green Hulk thumb. D:
Remember when Team Meat’s Tommy Refenes described iPhone ports of classic games as akin to the ol’ Tiger Handhelds from the 90s? Remember how pissed off some people got? Well, d’you think those people are playing this game right now and saying to themselves “I don’t know that Tommy – FUCK! – Refenes was compla-FUCK!-ining about. This – SHIT! – game is perfectly play-BALLS!-able.”?
A billion pointless iThing holders, battery packs, cases, speakers and polishers in the shops, and yet no-one has bothered thinking “hey, an open-source game controller that plugs into the port at the bottom that will make 78% of games 99% less annoying! Who’d have thunk, eh?”. It’s, as Mr Tennant and Mr Lowe have oft pointed out, a sin.
The funny thing is, the connector can now be used for such things—it’s just up to manufacturers to make them. I guess the issue would be standardisation and support. Now, everyone has an iThing with ‘x’ controls; would you support a controller, or just rattle off more games that work with default set-ups?
(Also, I don’t think it’d make 78% of games 99% less annoying—it’s more like the 10% of games not remotely designed for the system 99% less annoying, and maybe another 10–20% a little better.)