Podgamer » J Nash

Edge: Brick Dangerous

J Nash — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 09:33:54 +0000

I’ve been gathering a slow education about famous iThing games in order to avoid too many howlers born of ignorance. It’s a heck of a task that’s taking ages, because according to official figures there are fifty million thousand hundred pop culture titles and at least 12 good ones. Today: Edge. And the problem with Edge is that it’s too inventive. (Continued...)

Seaweed: Fathomable

J Nash — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 09:32:59 +0000

One of the acest things about iThing players is that we’ll try anything. There’s a brave indie contingent on, say, the Xbox, but you can’t imagine the general Xbox ownership queuing in their thousands at midnight to shoot each other over mishandled copies of Squid Yes! Not So Octopus. The iThing, on the other hand, has no artifice: the charts are equally as likely to be topped by heavily promoted big name rubbish like Assassin’s Creed as out of nowhere surprise zeitgeist rubbish like Angry Birds. We are cosmopolitan idiots. We’re also pretty and charming, unlike PC owners (fat), Xbox owners (drunk) and nobody could find any PS3 owners to determine what was wrong with them, and anyway Seaweed. (Continued...)

Touchin’ Roulette: It’s only a model

J Nash — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:30:55 +0000

The exciting mystery match where a plucky contestant chooses a theme and tries to pick six consecutive decent games in that vein without landing on something fatally unendurable. Today's theme: snipers.

Thumpies: Get down! Get back up again! Zarjaz!

J Nash — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 09:31:30 +0000

Spiffo, I’ve been waiting for this to happen. Big Blue Bubble’s Thumpies is a superior rhythm game that benefits enormously from the specially composed music; instead of bongoing the grotesque chumpbundles around to your terrible taste in CDs, you “compose” a layer by following their dizzied bouncing and that’s then added to the soundtrack for the next sequence. Meanwhile, butterflies flap around as the currency for unlocking (EXTRA CHARACTERS, extra characters, not levels) and you have to wriggle a skip in your conducting to net them before the tumbling beasties scoff the loot as they bob. (If you lose the beat altogether your entire bank escapes all over the screen promoting chaos.) It’s altogether groovespangular and the game’s just plunged to an excuse-invalidating 59p/€0,79/99¢. If you’re still not convinced because you’re D Tomlinson or R Morley, you can try the three-level demo (with in-game unlock). There’s also an all-new iPad version that I’ve not played and is still £2.99/€3,99/$4.99. (ALERT! The demo unlock didn’t seem to work for me and in fact I’ve been charged again for the complete version. I’ll sort that out now, but I’d recommend that if you like the demo then you buy the full game separately.)

101 Games: Room 102

J Nash — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 10:01:12 +0000

Good morning, P Gamer chums. What's this 01 Games you want me to look at then? It sounds f

UNCUFF ME FROM THIS ESCRITOIRE I HAVE KILLED BEFORE.

Tiltstorm: Tipping point

J Nash — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 20:53:31 +0000

In today’s modern convenient videogame shorthand, Tiltstorm would be Tempest Without Webs. (Actually, in today’s modern convenient videogame shorthand, Tiltstorm would be Not a WW2 Cover Shooter, WRY SATIRES.) The thing is, there’s a reason Tempest has webs. (Continued...)

Morning freebie: Super Laser

J Nash — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 10:37:15 +0000

1. Bullet hell? Check! 2. Tauntingly retrievable power-ups? Check! 3. Slightly too busy backgrounds? Check! 4. Frequent bosses you can shimmy past embarrassedly, claiming an important dental appointment? Check! 5. Free until lunchtime? Ch — Hang on, what? — eck! Go Go!! Epicforce’s Super Laser the Alien Fighter.

Little Red Sled: Snow drift

J Nash — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 09:33:34 +0000

J NASH, YOU BLOCKHEAD.

Assassin’s Creed

J Nash — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 21:00:09 +0000

Man, these things really drive home how tremendous Sands of Time is. Ever since Ubisoft nailed the third-person platformer with the revamped Prince of Persia (then banged that nail into a big coffin with Warrior Within for which I blame you, YES YOU PERSONALLY, the idiot non-Sands of Time buying public) everyone’s been copying the copy of a copy. Including Ubi themselves: Assassin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles is currently on sale for 59p/€0,79/99¢ and has triumphantly forgotten nearly every single lesson established by its venerated ageparent. (Continued...)

Tap of the Dead: Bored of this now

J Nash — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 20:40:31 +0000

Let’s make this super-fast, I have a bus to catch. Tap of the Dead is rubbish. (Continued...)

Jack the Ripper: The White Label Murders

J Nash — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 23:02:00 +0000

I’m not exactly sure what made me download this recently discounted charlady sim; probably something to do with wondering how far a Jack the Ripper hidden object game could conceivably go. (“You find a corpse! Indicate 17 mutilations,” etc.) Fortunately FOR YOU the game skirts the edges of the crimes instead, and suddenly became enormous fun when I realised the incredible secret of Jack the Ripper. (Continued...)

PG Tips II

J Nash — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 09:31:19 +0000

Our Iron Cross-winning playing guide section returns.

Today: Galaxy On Fire 2.

Weekend freebie: Slashmaster

J Nash — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:49:52 +0000

Blimey, this is a messy game. On the Good Messy side, Zoobox’s 2D scrolling fighter is apparently sponsored by Bob’s Bladders of Blood Ltd and nothing occurs except as an explosion of chaotic mayhem. Each level lasts just long enough that you don’t care you’re chugging back and forth along the same threeish-screen-wide arena being randomly attacked from both sides until you fill your QUOTA OF DEATH. Bad Messy: the power-ups are divorced from your inventory. What this means is that you can buy upgrades (with coins from dead monsters) for the full set of weapons, anticipating the Random Allocation Bat will dispense one you’ve powered up when you kill it. (You have to double-jump to reach the bat and any bequeathed item vanishes after a few seconds, but the fighting’s such a dervish of punch-ups that you’ll inevitably auto-grab everything that passes. The trick is to upgrade everything to at least the first level before looking to pick a favourite.) The power-up combos rely on your pressing Fire again (eg, a whirlwind sword comes after a straight poke and a leaping stab) so technically you can break off in the middle, but the fighting’s such an etc that you’ll inevitably be desperately trying to turn towards a sneak ambush only to find the game still thinks you want to finish your super-flashy combo on that corpse. Boss fights are every five levels and are rubbishly cramped because they’re on top (rather than instead) of a standard minion rush. Pretty much a heavy metal version of that disappointingly out of favour comic standby where a fight’s an impenetrable dustcloud of fists and ooyahs, Slashmaster confused me at first, entertained me for half an hour, and then I ate an apple. It’s free this weekend.

Gobliiins: Three musky tears

J Nash — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 23:50:36 +0000

Gobliiins is an accomplished port of a silly Amiga pointy-clicky game. It’s really, really funny. Gobliiins makes me want to kill all the authors of Gobliiins. (Continued...)

No, Human: Rock opera

J Nash — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 23:21:26 +0000

One of splendid outer space deflection puzzler No, Human’s finest elements is the atmospherically perfect soundtrack of uncluttered, slightly melancholy classical piano pieces. Once again exhibiting the grasp and sensitivity that made Thief the Musical a byword for unscalped tickets, three unemployed louts from Exmouth have transformed the new game’s 80 zen levels of hypnotically replayable high score asteroid flinging into a rock opera that’s already enjoyed very nearly a run in very nearly a theatre. We contractually present an excerpt of what leading critic Preddington Quatt is already calling in sick to avoid. (Continued...)