All posts by Nathan Grayson
Universal News
by Nathan Grayson (October 26th, 2010 at 6:07 am)
ABSURDLY GOOD DEAL ALERT. There are deals, and then there’s this deal, which strolls up to all the others, unhinges its horrific mutant snake jaw, and physically eats them for breakfast.
A battle. Presumably for Wesnoth.
It is *drumroll played by Friend Of Podgamer Animal of Muppets fame* Battle For Wesnoth. What’s a Wesnoth, you ask, and why should you be battling for it? Allow me to explain: Battle For Wesnoth is an open-source turn-based strategy game that’s been practicing its “Why yes, would you like to have your go at murdering me? Oh, don’t mind if I do” take on war since 2003. As a result, its iThing port comes pants-poppingly stuffed with nearly 200 scenarios, which – after we tried counting with real numbers, got mad, and gave up – totals out to about three jawzillion hours of content.
The best part? The game’s Halloween sale brings it down to a mere 59p/€0,79/99¢. I don’t care whether you even like turn-based strategy games or not; you don’t pass up this kind of value. So go buy it! Then fire up the tutorial because, otherwise, you’ll lose so fast that your utter defeat will tear through the fabric of space and time, instantly obliterating us all.
Review 
Podgamer Essential
by Nathan Grayson (October 22nd, 2010 at 9:25 pm)
Game Dev Story wants to destroy your life. It’s an evil, evil little game, but only once it’s got you thoroughly seduced – its hooks driven in so deep that they’ve pierced clean through your very soul – does the game show its true colors.
It certainly doesn’t start out that way, though. In fact, when I first opened up my tiny hole-in-the-wall game development studio, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Yeah, I got to crack the whip on a workforce of bite-sized pixel people, but so what? Half the time, I felt like I was watching an extremely intelligent, perhaps militaristic ant farm. The frighteningly apocalyptic ramifications of that notwithstanding, it seemed like there wasn’t a whole lot going on. So I did some contract work. And I hired some new employees. And I pumped out an – in retrospect – ill-advised puzzle game about ninjas with a focus on hyper-realism, which critics described as “Hahahahahahahahahahaha *drops dead from lack of air*.”
Then I glanced outside. “Hey,” I thought to myself, “wasn’t the sun supposed to come out today?”
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News
by Nathan Grayson (October 21st, 2010 at 7:37 am)
You’re in a store. It’s a great store – an amazing store, even. You rub your eyes to make sure they’re not lying to you. You pinch yourself to make sure this isn’t just another dream where everything you touch turns into the laughing face of your father with a praying mantis’ body. But nope: it’s all real. This store has every gadget, doohickey, gizmo, and Japanese Kit-Kat flavor you’ve ever desired. Something catches your eye, so you reach for it. But wait. Now it’s gone. In it’s place? A sea of dodgy Chinese rip-offs, 3256839 variations on Solitaire, and also zombies for some reason. Welcome to hell.
No, wait. It’s just the App Store. Fortunately, we’re here to tell you what’s new without all the associated hassle. So, what’s on the menu today?
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Feature
by Nathan Grayson (October 19th, 2010 at 12:16 pm)
It’s occurred to me that we’ve written nothing about current App Store God-Emperor Cut The Rope on this adorable, cooing baby slice of the Internet we’ve carved a bloody hole in the center of and called home.
(If any readers are affected by issues relating to Comrade Nathan’s quirky across-the-pond spelling conventions, contact Podgamer Trauma Support at the usual address – Ed)
And that’s a damn shame, because it’s an absolutely fantastic game. Also, we’re missing out on so much Google search traffic. Like, you don’t even know. Make no mistake, however; that’s not the reason I’m writing this article. On a totally unrelated note: Cut The Rope, Cut The Rope tips, Cut The Rope Justin Bieber, Cut The Rope XXX underage porn sluts.
So, what’s the deal with all this “magic” nonsense? Well, you might remember an incident starring our very own Comrade Fuhrer Stuart and some particularly peeved birds. See, Herr Stu saw a flock of people fawning over that flock of avian sensations, and he just didn’t get what all the fuss was about. So, of course, he went to developer Rovio for a precise, scientific answer. “Magic,” they replied. Er, right.
However, after kneeling before the alter of the tiny god that is Cut The Rope and offering a rather generous sacrifice of my time and social life, I think I’ve found the answer. Cut The Rope, as it turns out, is Angry Birds’ formula perfected. It’s an Angry Birds clone not in form, but in philosophy. But what is that formula? Why can normal, semi-rational human beings derive all of their happiness from helping a tiny green monster gorge himself on candy? Well, in explaining why Cut The Rope is worlds better than Angry Birds’ cluttered, bird feces-ridden mess, I’m going to lay it all out for you.
COMPARE-O-VISION, ENGAGE!
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News
by Nathan Grayson (October 15th, 2010 at 10:02 am)
Hey, you. Yeah, you. With the spring in your step and the clear lack of a care in the world. You’re suffering from the “October Blues,” aren’t you? Huh, you’re not? Well, what if I told you that contracting a case of said largely fictional malady would get you some discounted games? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
And so, after witnessing your Academy Award-winning attempt at seasonal depression – I personally thought hiring the clown just so you could sigh at his antics and walk away was a nice touch – EA’s announced that it’ll be curing any and all cases of the “October Blues” with its “Console Classics” sale. Are they really classics, though? Well, that’s tough to say. What’s not tough to say, however, is “I would be willing to buy four very high quality games for only 59p a piece.” Go on, try it. Did you say it? Didn’t it feel good?
So, what’s up for grabs? Well, there’s Mirror’s Edge, which is basically Canabalt if it took place in a different dystopian future where they had three colors instead of two. Originally, it’d have run you £2.99. You’ve also got Need for Speed: Shift, which I’ve never played, but am guessing involves fending off junkies or some such. It used to be £3.99. Now it’s not. Rock Band‘s also shed its old £3.99 tag, and is surprisingly decent despite the fact that there’s no plastic instrument virtuosity involved. (Update: It’s only down to £2.99 for some weird reason. But look! Dragon’s Lair!) Finally, there’s R-Type, which fulfills the basest of man’s desires: the need to shoot spaceships. It’s bidding a not-so-fond-farewell to a price of £1.19.
“But Nathan!” you exclaim, while shooing off that pesky clown you still haven’t paid, “why is the US App Store hiding the sale from me? Did you lie? Do you hate me?” Well, sad to say, this “limited time” sale’s UK-only for now. Sorry, US folks. But if EA decides to stop burning flags and spitting in mom’s apple pie, we’ll let you know.
News
by Nathan Grayson (October 15th, 2010 at 12:05 am)
Those are the first words I muttered – in something of a half-conscious daze – after taking a crack at Robot Unicorn Attack, the apparent result of an accident involving Canabalt, glue, and a fall into a bucket full of rainbows, glitter, and unicorns. Also drugs.
So then I put my iPhone down and never touched the game again. Wait, no, that’s not what happened at all. The opposite, actually. In spite of the fact that its central joke – a soundtrack consisting only of “Always” by synthpop group Erasure – is pretty much “the song that never ends” if it left the schoolyard, ventured out into the real world, and somehow avoided being violently murdered by everyone on the planet, the game itself is a solid twist on the addictively simple formula Canabalt pioneered.
And hey! Now it’s cheaper than ever at 59p (99c) – down from its original price of £1.79 ($2.99). Well, sort of. I’m hesitant to call Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal Edition a sequel since it’s a literal re-skin of the original. So basically, it’s the exact same game, only this time, the glitter and rainbows have been replaced by skeletons and what appear to be floating tentacle mountains. Also, there’s a new song for you to immediately mute: “Battlefield” by metal rockers Blind Guardian.
But unless your ears recently grievously wronged you and you’re looking for cruel, cruel revenge, you probably don’t care about that. What you do (or should) care about, however, is that it’s Canabalt, but with a second button that let’s you crash through things. And it’s cheap! So, you know, get it and stuff.
