iPad
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by Nathan Grayson (November 11th, 2010 at 6:36 am)
Just because you can download 30 million new games per second on your newfangled iPodpadpodiummajig doesn’t mean console games have lost their luster. But there’s a price to pay for all those fancy big-name bells and whistles, and it is – shockingly enough – money. Or, to quote one of this generation’s wisest cultural mantras: “Mo’ money.” However, more money spent on iPhone games directly correlates to less bitches, and that simply will not do.
Fortunately, a quartet of console imports have seen fit to trim a little off the top of their price tags, handily solving that incredibly pressing dilemma for you. First up, there’s Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, which is now a (TURN BACK NOW OR RISK DEATH BY HORRIBLE PUN) steal at £3.99/€5,49/$6.99. Yes, it’s still a wee bit pricey, but don’t let its “ants having a gangfight” facade fool you; it’s far-and-away one of the best GTA games out there. And this comes from someone who normally hates Grand Theft Auto.
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Podgamer Recommended
by J Nash (November 9th, 2010 at 11:21 pm)
One of splendid outer space deflection puzzler No, Human’s finest elements is the atmospherically perfect soundtrack of uncluttered, slightly melancholy classical piano pieces. Once again exhibiting the grasp and sensitivity that made Thief the Musical a byword for unscalped tickets, three unemployed louts from Exmouth have transformed the new game’s 80 zen levels of hypnotically replayable high score asteroid flinging into a rock opera that’s already enjoyed very nearly a run in very nearly a theatre.
We contractually present an excerpt of what leading critic Preddington Quatt is already calling in sick to avoid. Continue reading this post…
Universal Review Podgamer Recommended
by Nathan Grayson (November 9th, 2010 at 8:46 am) WITH SPECIAL GUEST STARS
I’ve fallen in love with iThing “worm” games of late, and you all have to suffer for it. Yes, even you. Especially you. The latest one’s called Death Worm, but apparently it’s the original while the less intimidatingly named Super Mega Worm is the knock-off. Is PlayCreek LLC telling the truth? Or have giant world-ending worms figured out time travel, thus kicking off an eternal duel of Internet message board “first!” style one-upmanship? No idea. Both options seem equally likely.
What I do know is that Death Worm’s better. Well, mostly. For one, it’s made the giant, helicopter-gulping leap from NES-era graphics to something more befitting of, say, the Super Nintendo. And this comes only a month after Super Mega Worm. Score one for the time travel theory. Also, you get to pick and choose your pink, wriggly powers and stats as you level up, which – while not enormously game-altering – adds a degree of customization to your apocalyptic exploits. Long and fast or hard and strong? The (incredibly phallic) choice is yours!
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Universal News
by NEWS ROBOT (November 5th, 2010 at 8:36 pm)
++ OBSERVATION: iPHONE/TOUCH VERSION BRIEFLY FREE ++
++ OBSERVATION: iPAD VERSION £2.99/€3,99/$4.99 ++
++ OBSERVATION: BALLISTICALLY PROPELLED SEWN COMPANION CRUELTY SIMULATOR ++
++ OBSERVATION: GUNPOWDER HURTLESQUEAK ++
++ PODGAMER NEWS ROBOT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND HUMANS ++
++ SAD ++
++ SAD ++
++ SAD ++
Universal News
by Craig Grannell (November 5th, 2010 at 7:04 pm)
Ah, Sunday afternoons with an 8-bit computer, a text adventure and INSTANT DEATH. What could be more fun? If your answer is “nothing, sir” and not “beating myself to death with a spanner”, you should probably download the rather spiffy, universal and suddenly very (but probably temporarily) free Frotz right this second.
Frotz is a Z-Machine interpreter, enabling you to play more text adventures than you can shake a stick at (including the original Zork). And if you’ve some Z-Machine files lying about on your (“Legally purchased compilations” – Ed), you can upload them via FTP.
Even better, because Frotz is universal, the iPad interface gives you a keyboard that doesn’t make your thumbs want to die after you’ve been playing Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy for five hours.
Universal News
by Nathan Grayson (November 5th, 2010 at 6:14 am)
The zombie apocalypse is played out. Old hat. And I’ve come to terms with the nuclear apocalypse, so long as it makes the world exactly like Fallout: New Vegas. Point is, the end of the world is looking mighty anticlimactic these days. I need something new. Something different. Something like… a giant spiky worm? Sure, why the hell not.
You're a terrible person for simply looking at this screenshot, so just go ahead and buy the game.
Super Mega Worm‘s message is one I think we can all identify with: stop littering or a giant worm’s going to devour you. It’s a powerful and thought-provoking indictment of our current environmental policy – one that becomes all the more chilling when you consider that our wriggly pink Doombringer gains the power to blast lasers out of his mouth at level three.
Which is all to say that it’s wicked fun. Launching yourself out of the ground and skewering the squishy, screaming blood balloons otherwise known as human beings on your 32 rows of teeth is nearly as gratifying as it is sociopathic, and any game that uses live cattle as its central source of health is all right in our book. And hey, the full version’s only 59p/€0,79/99¢ right now, so why not? Plus, how can you say “no” to that face? The answer is that you can’t, because by the time you can see that face, it’s already too late.
Universal News
by Craig Grannell (November 4th, 2010 at 6:52 pm)
Imagine a developer really liked Magical Drop, but thought (rightly) that Magical Drop for iOS was akin to a pile of fetid dingo’s kidneys. Imagine that developer then created a similar game that worked really nicely on iOS, boasting great controls and graphics, then turned it into a universal app, and then gave it away entirely for free!
Well, you’ll have to imagine that for a bit longer, because the rather spiffy Linkoidz isn’t free, but it is just 59p/€0,79/99¢ right now and very much worth the cash. Unless you hate Magical Drop, of course, in which case GO AWAY, FOOLISH PERSON LACKING IN TASTE.
Universal News
by Craig Grannell (November 1st, 2010 at 10:59 am)
Hello, viewers! It’s time to take an exciting time-travel journey!
*SFX: WIBBLY SCREEN THING AND SPOOKY SOUND EFFECTS*
Oh my! It’s 1991. Picture the scene: a C64, an avid gamer, and a copy of Sensitive. A broken joystick, having been smashed on to the desk, due to aforementioned Sensitive—a brilliant but demanding and frustrating puzzler that tasks you with moving a metal doughnut over yellow blocks that vanish when you move off of them. Path-planning deviousness. Awful music. Addiction.
OH NO! We’ve been hit in our flux capacitor by 1.21 gigawatts of power, and we’re being hurled through time, against our will, back to the (“Present” – Legal Ed).
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Universal News
by Nathan Grayson (October 26th, 2010 at 6:07 am)
ABSURDLY GOOD DEAL ALERT. There are deals, and then there’s this deal, which strolls up to all the others, unhinges its horrific mutant snake jaw, and physically eats them for breakfast.
A battle. Presumably for Wesnoth.
It is *drumroll played by Friend Of Podgamer Animal of Muppets fame* Battle For Wesnoth. What’s a Wesnoth, you ask, and why should you be battling for it? Allow me to explain: Battle For Wesnoth is an open-source turn-based strategy game that’s been practicing its “Why yes, would you like to have your go at murdering me? Oh, don’t mind if I do” take on war since 2003. As a result, its iThing port comes pants-poppingly stuffed with nearly 200 scenarios, which – after we tried counting with real numbers, got mad, and gave up – totals out to about three jawzillion hours of content.
The best part? The game’s Halloween sale brings it down to a mere 59p/€0,79/99¢. I don’t care whether you even like turn-based strategy games or not; you don’t pass up this kind of value. So go buy it! Then fire up the tutorial because, otherwise, you’ll lose so fast that your utter defeat will tear through the fabric of space and time, instantly obliterating us all.
Universal Review Podgamer Recommended
by Craig Grannell (October 22nd, 2010 at 6:02 pm)
I never could get excited by golf. As a kid, the thought of hitting a ball with a stick and then wandering slowly around a rather dull rich-person’s lawn never caught my imagination. Oddly, though, from C64 classic Leaderboard onwards, I’ve always been partial to golf games. I am contradictory—don’t judge me.
There are loads of golf games for iOS devices, but Stick Golf has become my firm favourite; and, oddly enough, it wouldn’t have looked out of place on an 8-bit micro.
Brian was happy with the shot, but then realised he had no idea how to get down to the green.
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