Universal News
by Nathan Grayson (November 18th, 2010 at 6:24 am)
Normally “free” and “not shit” are enough to warrant a bark and a point from us, your trusty App Store hounds at Podgamer, but today I’ve decided to mix things up. See, while Brutal Fantasy-Prologue is definitely free and also gleefully slashy (though generically so) enough to cross the rickety bridge out of Shitsville and into Mediocrity Zone, it’s also – dare I say it – profound. Actually, I don’t dare say it, because it’s really not. But it is profound’s plainer, lose-the-glasses-and-we-might-have-something sister, “interesting.”
See, in a slight twist on the normal App Store release formula, the full version of Brutal Fantasy won’t be out for another month, and this free Prologue – as you might expect – sports the beginnings of its storyline. What is that storyline, you ask? Uh, I think there was an evil knight or something like that. I didn’t really pay attention, but seeing as there are about three fantasy plots in existence, I’ve got a decent shot at being on the money. Point is, even if Brutal Fantasy-Prologue’s story physically spurted chopped liver out of my iPhone speaker, I wouldn’t have minded. It’s not important. What is important is the delivery of that story.
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Review
by J Nash (November 17th, 2010 at 9:00 pm)
Man, these things really drive home how tremendous Sands of Time is. Ever since Ubisoft nailed the third-person platformer with the revamped Prince of Persia (then banged that nail into a big coffin with Warrior Within for which I blame you, YES YOU PERSONALLY, the idiot non-Sands of Time buying public) everyone’s been copying the copy of a copy.
Including Ubi themselves: Assassin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles is currently on sale for 59p/€0,79/99¢ and has triumphantly forgotten nearly every single lesson established by its venerated ageparent. Continue reading this post…
Review
by Craig Grannell (November 17th, 2010 at 3:48 pm)
There are brazen, awful incompetent clones on the App Store. There are rip-offs and garbage aplenty. And then there is pacman&level, one of the most astonishingly dreadful Pac-Man games in existence—one that makes versions for the Atari 2600 and VIC-20 look like shining examples of great videogame programming.
We're just guessing here, but this might be the kind of 'amateur hour' bullshit Steve Jobs claims App Store reviews are supposed to guard against.
Continue reading this post…
Review
by J Nash (November 16th, 2010 at 8:40 pm)
Let’s make this super-fast, I have a bus to catch.
Tap of the Dead is rubbish. Continue reading this post…
News
by Craig Grannell (November 16th, 2010 at 2:26 pm)
PODGAMER PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
Twin-stick shooter and RevStu fave Minigore is free for 48 hours. If you don’t already own it and also avoid downloading it within this 48-hour period, you are a dolt. That is all.
Yes, we're using auto-aim, because otherwise taking a screen-grab is a massive pain in the backside. Thanks, Chillingo, for spraying crap all over your App Store screen-grabs. You're lucky we're covering this game at all.
END OF PODGAMER PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
PODGAMER PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT, PART TWO.
If the game is still showing a price tag, go back in a few hours. Apple’s black-turtleneck-powered servers might not have caught up with the exciting price-drop in your region yet.
END OF PODGAMER PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT, PART TWO.
Universal Review
by Nathan Grayson (November 16th, 2010 at 8:03 am)
Remember those House Of The Dead arcade machines from back in the day? You know, the ones with the big plastic guns that indirectly ate your first car in change? Weren’t they great? Well, Zombie Crisis 3D‘s a lot like that – only replace “great” with the most negative adjective you can think of. Horrendabysmal. Terribawfulstrosity. Dane Cook. Something along those lines.
How so? Oh, let me count the ways. First off, the basics: You’re a person. You have a gun. You shoot zombies. And that is – quite literally – all. Your movement is, of course, on-rails, so your eyes, legs, and head – everything aside from your itchy trigger finger – are the game’s to control. No big deal, though, right? Highly scripted, gore-spattered thrill rides are what this genre’s all about, after all. Problem is, Zombie Crisis doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo.
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News
by NEWS ROBOT (November 16th, 2010 at 4:28 am)
++ OBSERVATION: GAME DEV STORY DECLARED “PODGAMER ESSENTIAL” BY PODGAMER ++
++ OBSERVATION: COSTLY GAME, PAUPER UNCERTAINTY ++
++ CELEBRATION: DEMO NEWLY MINTED ++
++ OBSERVATION: PODGAMER NEWS ROBOT LTD GAME “NEWS-RELATED ADVENTURES OF PODGAMER NEWS ROBOT” DID NOT ENTER CHARTS ++
++ PODGAMER NEWS ROBOT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND TINY ELECTRIC HUMANS ++
++ BANKRUPT ++
++ BANKRUPT ++
++ BANKRUPT ++
Review
by J Nash (November 15th, 2010 at 11:02 pm)
I’m not exactly sure what made me download this recently discounted charlady sim; probably something to do with wondering how far a Jack the Ripper hidden object game could conceivably go. (“You find a corpse! Indicate 17 mutilations,” etc.)
Fortunately FOR YOU the game skirts the edges of the crimes instead, and suddenly became enormous fun when I realised the incredible secret of Jack the Ripper. Continue reading this post…
Review
by Craig Grannell (November 15th, 2010 at 3:31 pm)
Unlike Podgamer’s resident poker fiend RevStu, I’m not a card shark, nor even a card goldfish. I am rubbish at poker. Also, I don’t like poker. Strangely, though, when poker is smashed into another game with a hammer, I find it quite compelling, such as with weirdo ten-pin/shuffleboard/poker hybrid 10 Pin Shuffle and freebie Poker Race, which is what this review is about. Mum mum mum maaah.
Mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum maaah!
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Feature
by J Nash (November 15th, 2010 at 9:31 am)
Our Iron Cross-winning playing guide section returns.
Today: Galaxy On Fire 2.
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